Over the past three months of living in Spain, I have been trying to decide what I want to do in life. I have always wanted a family and to settle into the traditional wife role, I even started nesting. But when my relationship ended last year it really shook things up. I realised there was more to life than relying on others for my happiness. So I started the process of becoming more self-aware. My trip to Spain has certainly started this process off well. But the resulting outcome is not what I expected.
What I Hoped I Would Get From Javea
I thought I would gain some skills, decide on a career direction and go back to the UK. Either to focus completely on my current role or look for something new. In the first month of my trip, I completed a 3-day course to try and help me figure things out. It was designed to make me think about what I wanted from life. And to force myself to set a date on when I would be making a change. So the goal I set was to decide what I wanted to do by the end of June. I also said I would have taken action by the end of 2019.
Having written a post on what makes me happy, it got me thinking about what I want out of life. Although to tick the achievement box I thought I needed a successful career, I don’t think a traditional career is for me. A friend once told me that I get bored easily. He said I will never be settled in a job because I will always be looking for something more interesting. He was right, whenever I have started a new career I have given it 100%. Only to find a few months or a few years in it’s not for me. This worried me, was I going to spend the rest of my life searching for the perfect career, that doesn’t exist?
When it Started to Go Downhill
This website went live at the same time I realised my time in Spain was quickly approaching its end. That realisation brought on a lot of negative thoughts and emotions. My first two months, I was super motivated, loving life and discovering how to be happy on my own. March started to draw to a close and I became panicked.
I had not made a decision yet and I didn’t have long until I was going to be back in the UK. Back to reality, and back to having no brain space to think clearly about my future. I got extremely anxious, my to-do list started building up and I became overwhelmed. This overwhelm is lead to me stop doing the things I had started to enjoy. Even with this blog I was so pumped to get going and launch it, then it went live and I froze. I stopped writing and started questioning if it was the right thing to do or if I was taking it in the right direction.
I lacked the motivation to go running, I had no inspiration to write or create content for social media. My video creation had stopped even though I had loved it before. In order to try and overcome this, I took quite a few self-care days. I spent a lot of time at the beach to clear my head and think.
What was I Going to do Next
I was dreading going home having not found the answer. A lot of people knew my reasons for coming to Spain, so I felt I needed to justify coming to them. I was worried about going back to the office and trying to put my all into a job that I wasn’t sure was right for me. I was worried about turning 27 and not being much further along in my life than I had been at 20. It was then that I started to think of another alternative. I realised the 10 Things that make me happy would almost all be covered if I went travelling. I have no mortgage or big outgoings. Not being in a relationship or having children, I really have no ties to the UK. So now would be a perfect time to go.
When I was at college I thought about travelling but ended up in a relationship. I went to university and bought a lightweight laptop with the intention of going travelling afterwards, but ended up back in a relationship. Every time I have questioned what I wanted to do in life, or life took away my opportunity to have the family I craved, I turned my thoughts to travel.
My Thought Process
So I considered my options. I would love to see more of Europe, Northern Italy, Vienna, Croatia are all places on my bucket list. I thought about Island hopping around the beautiful Greek Islands and working as I went. With UK / EU relations not at their best. Combined with my lack of understanding with international tax laws. I decided that might not be the best option right now. So I turned my attention to further afield. I looked at STA Travel, a company who my sister used to book her 3 months around the world trip with a few years ago. STA offers various working holiday packages for the USA, Canada and Australia.
Australia a Lifelong Dream
Australia really stood out. As a backpackers dream and somewhere that a few people I know have travelled to, Australia was always the place I had considered going. But being so far away I have always felt like I need to go with at least one other person. However, every time I have thought about going it’s not been the right time in anyone’s life. This is the case now. Most of my friends are either married, in long term relationships, have a mortgage or are getting stuck into a career.
The more I thought about going to Australia as a possibility the less I cared that there was no one else I could go with. I realised that I had gained enough confidence to be able to move abroad and live on my own for 3 months. So what is to stop me from travelling to Australia alone. After a few restless nights and conversations with my parents and friends, I made a decision. I am going to be moving to Australia. I will be looking into getting a working holiday visa to work and travelling my way around the country.
The Anxiety Didn’t Stop
Unfortunately after settling on this decision the anxiety didn’t stop. I was advised to keep my plans to myself so as not to jeopardise my job. Keeping this from the people I have been spending my time with her in Javea was very difficult. My colleagues Andy and Deborah, who live in Javea permanently, have now become my friends. So keeping my mouth shut was tough.
Luckily my department is doing very well at the moment, so the MD was concerned I might have caught the travel bug. He wanted to know my long term plans so he could start making arrangement for the growing work load. I was hesitant to tell him at first. But I realised that being truthful was better than trying to keep in this massive life-changing decision for much longer. So I told him over a Skype call after letting Andy know. The calls went well, both bosses were very understanding and said if they were in my position that would be doing, or had done the same thing.
So Now I Can Get Excited!!!
The relief I felt that night was insane. It was no longer terrible anxiety I was feeling it was more excited nerves. Now it is out in the open it is really happening. There is no backing out now. In a week I leave Javea for Barcelona. I will meet with my parents for a holiday to celebrate my birthday and the end of my trip. The day after I land in the UK I have an appointment booked with STA Travel. I hope I will be able to get the ball rolling with my visa and start booking some flights. I then have a week off work where I can plan, organise and shop for anything I think I might need.